Somethin’ ‘Bout Love Makes Census

The US Census Bureau now recognizes same-sex partnerships. 

Nearly 150,000 same-sex couples reported being in marriage-type relationships last year, says the first-ever Census figures released on gay partnerships. This number reflects 50,000 more marriage-minded partnerships than the 100,000 same-sex unions, domestic partnerships, and weddings performed, the Census reports.

More than one-quarter (27 percent) of the 564,743 total reported same-sex couples in the US stated that they were in relationships that were akin to marriages, with the partners considering themselves to be husbands to one another, or wives to each other.  

“The fact that we’re gaining on the marriage equality front has played an important role in the Census Bureau decision to release information about same-sex spouses,” says Gary J. Gates, PhD, of the UCLA School of Law. “Having legal marriage and other forms of relationship recognition draws attention to the need for more accurate data about same-sex couples and their families.”

Board certified psychiatrist Loren A. Olson, MD, who is openly gay, says that the Census Bureau has finally acknowledged a historically overlooked segment of our society. 

“It is a small step, but a significant one,” he says. “I think it is a reflection of the Census Bureau trying to more accurately describe what has existed for a long time but which culturally we wanted to close our eyes to.”

It was simply easier to ignore same-sex relationships in the past, Olsen maintains. “Individuals and societies both use ‘dissociation’ as a defense, the tendency to split off from our consciousness all that we wish is not true,” he explains. “I compare it to a child who begins to realize that Santa Claus doesn't really exist, but chooses to ignore the facts to try to continue to believe in the fantasy.”

The recognition of same-sex relationships by the Census is one step towards eradicating negative stereotypes of gay and lesbian partnerships.

“Being able to accurately describe the characteristics of same-sex couples and their families, including the evidence that so many are in long-term committed relationships, certainly helps to overcome myths and stereotypes about LGBT [lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered] people and their lives,” Gates notes.

Theresa C. Nolan, MA, division director of the New York City Programs at Green Chimneys Children's Services, agrees, adding that LGBT youth stand to benefit legally and psychologically as their relationships become increasingly recognized as legitimate.

“This is a huge step in the right direction,” she explains. “Validation of a relationship lends itself to positively impact the feelings of validity and commitment that a couple has. As they enter adulthood, young people will see the LGBT relationships are taken seriously.”

“The heterosexist society has seen same-sex relationships as promiscuous and not committed,” she notes. “That is not the case.”

Overall, it seems as if attitudes towards the LGBT community are becoming more accepting. “Broad attitudes about the acceptance of LGBT people have seen substantial improvement,” Gates tells demo dirt. “Majority support for marriage equality is not quite there yet, but fully two-thirds of Americans support some type of legal recognition for same-sex couples. So yes, things have improved.”

As stereotypes slowly eradicate, will changing attitudes towards the LGBT community translate into equal rights? Not necessarily, warns Gates.

“About 80 percent of Americans agree that LGBT people should not be discriminated against in the workplace, yet the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act has still not been passed,” Gates explains. “Large majorities think that LGBT people should be allowed to serve openly in the military yet Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell is still the law.  While public support is certainly needed to change law, it hardly guarantees that change will happen.”

While the law lags behind growing public support for same-sex marriage, Olson, who will marry his longtime partner this weekend, says formal validation of one’s relationship helps define the partnership. “When I first heard people supporting the idea of gay marriage, I thought, ‘How ridiculous! Marriage means one man and one woman. It doesn't make sense.’ In thinking about the vows I will make on Saturday, I began to think about the words to describe Doug's role in my life.”

Each title was limited, Olson explains. "’Lover’ had some level of acceptance and even excitement when our relationship was new, but began to feel quite shallow, and addressed only one aspect of our relationship. ‘Partner’ [is] very safe, useful sometimes when I didn't want to reveal the true nature of my relationship to someone, but very generic and lacking in any substance,” he says.”‘Significant other’ [is] perhaps the worst, so clinical and so general. There are a lot of ‘others’ in my life who are significant. ‘Boyfriend’—I haven't been a boy and neither has he for many, many years.”

There is just one title that fits what this man means to Olson. "’Husband’ is really the only word I know which incorporates all of those meanings and adds to it the idea of a monogamous, long-term commitment,” he maintains. “This helps the community because the stereotype would suggest that we are incapable of those kinds of relationships.”

For LGBT youth, Nolan explains, progress towards recognizing same-sex relationships is a matter of mental and physical health as the community moves forward. “As young adults see real couples who are committed and recognized by the government, we may see an impact in the acceptance of families of the young people as well,” Nolan says.

“The biggest issue for a young LGBT person is family acceptance,” she explains. “Not having it leads to serious mental health issues and to concrete issues like homelessness. As more families see that this is recognized by our government and community, it will hopefully become part of the process in which there will be a generation of LGBT youth that won’t have the staggering numbers of suicides and homelessness.”

The resistance that gay youth face from their families when they come out can be very damaging, Nolan explains. “As young same-sex couples get into relationships, they will feel like there is some recognition in society of their relationships and there will not be as much of a challenge to the validity of who they are,” she says.

This challenge to their validity occurs when they are questioned about their identity. “[For example,] adults who say ‘Are you sure?’ or ‘This is just a phase,’” she contends. “We never ask straight kids if they are sure.”

Olson says that he is overwhelmed by the acceptance that he and his fiancé have enjoyed as the wedding draws near. Concerned about what his adult daughter would tell her children when they announce that “Grandpa married a man,” his daughter’s reply was supportive.