The latest statistics released by the Administration for Children and Families (ACF) Healthy Marriage Initiative reveal that African Americans are experiencing an elevated rate of divorce, ahead of other demographic cohorts. At a rate of 12 percent, African Americans outnumber whites (10 percent) and Hispanics (7 percent) in divorce court. Moreover, only 42 percent of blacks are married, compared to 61 percent of whites and 59 percent of Hispanics.

 

The ACF statistics also state that African Americans are more likely to head single parent households than whites or Hispanics. Well over half of black households are headed by single parents (62 percent), compared with just over a quarter of white single parent households (27 percent) and over a third (35 percent) of Hispanic single parent households. Over two-thirds (68 percent) of African American children are born to unmarried parents, compared with under one-third of white children born to unmarried mothers (29 percent) and under half of Hispanic children born to single moms (44 percent).

 

Researchers are not quite sure why the racial discrepancy between black family structure and white and Hispanic family structures. Detroit-based mental health experts Robert D. Williams, a certified addiction counselor, certified clinical social worker and licensed marriage and family therapist and Dr. Atty. Paris M. Finner-Williams, a fully licensed psychologist, certified rehabilitation counselor, and attorney, offer advice for couples on how to create a happy marriage. They are the co-authors of Marital Secrets: Dating, Lies, Communication and Sex and Single Wisdom.

 

Drawing on African philosophy, Dr. Finner-Williams describes the force which she considers the   black family’s worst enemy today. “Maafa, an original African term that I use to describe what is going on in the black community, is the psychological, social, and political destruction that any people can suffer,” she explains.

 

Such chronic, institutionalized stress can damage one’s ability to form and maintain meaningful, healthy, and productive intimate relationships, especially those requiring a high personal level of responsibility, like marriage or parenthood. “Any dysfunctional behavior due to stress that members of the black community may experience impairs their ability to cope with their environment, to assume and handle responsibilities, expectations, and duties,” Finner-Williams maintains.

 

Negativity from the street seeps past the front door and infects the home, poisoning relationships and impairing their ability to thrive. “All the negative experiences in the black community, all the stress, drama, and violence, lack of money, unemployment, and psychosocial problems keep them from being happy and fulfilled in life,” the psychologist and attorney tells demo dirt. “If they don’t handle experiences in a constructive, healthy manner, people may resort to alcoholism, or sleeping too much, instead of ‘manning up’ or ‘woman-ing up’ and putting together a plan to deal with a problem, such as unemployment.”

 

Due to maafa, members of the black community may find it more challenging to handle the responsibilities of marriage, says Finner-Williams, resulting in what she and her co-author husband deem a "Low Frustration Tolerance," making it difficult to make a union thrive.

 

“Low Frustration Tolerance is our not tolerating discomfort, difficulties, frustration, and painful emotions. They are thoughts focused on the idea that our situation is too difficult, too much, or unbearable…,” Finner-Williams says. “[It] is created by distorted views of a situation and our inability to put up with it. Low Frustration Tolerance is the major reason that Blacks are divorcing at an increasing rate.”

 

Divorce could create a pattern in the family and by extension, society, which can be difficult to break. Because rules of family dynamics are learned through modeling, it can be hard for younger generations to know how to create strong, lasting, happy unions. “The shaping of our social learning begins at birth, as we observe behaviors of others and then attempt them, rehearse them, have them reinforced or punished, and finally repeat or eliminate them in our later lives. Behaviors, potential behaviors and habits often are chosen according to whom we choose to model,” Finner-Williams and Williams write in Marital Secrets.

 

To combat maafa, one must practice ma’at, says Finner-Williams. Ma’at, also an African term, "is the ability to learn how to deal with life on its own terms, to handle life’s challenges in a constructive and healthy manner in order to become a happy, fulfilled and productive," Finner-Williams explains. The concept closely parallels that of Maslow's theory on self-actualization.

 

Top tips to ensure a healthy marriage, according to the couple? “Believe that marriage consists of mutual life long commitments and continuous personal sacrifices for the benefit of each other," they write. In addition, couples "should be careful not to expect more" in their partners than they themselves can provide. Good advice that may help everyone get that much closer to achieving ma'at.